he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You're like the curious george of whores
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
