I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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