walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
