the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Randomize
