I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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