consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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