He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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