I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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