i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
