Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
