yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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