Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
