So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
