Having a random hookup so left but love u
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
