WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
