I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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