I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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