Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
