So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
