Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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