MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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