My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dating After Heartbreak
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".