chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We are all done wearing pants today
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible