I puked a lego.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
