yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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