I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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