My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
