put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize