she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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