hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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