Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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