So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
