my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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