I hate your face
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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