youre lurking in front of me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
