he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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