Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
even my farts smell like vagina
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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