ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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