I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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