weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
