he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
