were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
