i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize