Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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