I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
