summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
