Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
