Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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