what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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