She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he thought i was a dude.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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