We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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