is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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