So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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