My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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