remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize