So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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