I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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