her vagine was all disorganized.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We don't watch enough power rangers
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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